Diary,
I must first apologize for my time away from sharing with you. It seems as though every time I've sat down with you, the words just wouldn't come.
No, that isn't right. The words are there at the tips of my fingers, but there are too many of them. I knew if I set pen to paper, all that would come out would be a tumble of words and emotions with little rhyme or reason.
I've met someone. A lovely gentleman from Alabama. He is amazing and absolutely fascinating. And my heart is racing just thinking about him.
I met him in Atlantic City several months ago, when we were searching for the poor beast creature in the park. He made some off-hand comment regarding the state of his expensive shoes, and I was utterly appalled at the carelessness he seemed to display. I was quick to write him off as just another member of my court who cares for nothing more than physical beauty and perfection.
I am not so proud that I can't admit I was very wrong. First impressions are not always the best, are they?
The following evening, I spoke with him at the Ugly Mug, and I came to realize that there is so much more to him. He spoke of the work he was doing with tornado victims in Alabama, and I gladly offered to send boxes of books and money to assist in his efforts. That evening, I left feeling the urge to get to know him better.
I saw him again recently in Atlantic City. He invited me to accompany him to the casino to introduce me to gambling, and that as they say was that.
He was and remains the perfect gentleman. He has made it clear that he desires me in a physical manner, yet he is willing to wait until my desires match his, should that occur. It's refreshing to know that while he desires me, he won't pout at me if I don't give in. He has pushed the boundaries slightly (I must confess, he is a lovely kisser) but has not gone so far as to make me feel uncomfortable or concerned. It makes me feel safe with him.
It has been different with him. Of course, there have been others who have expressed their interest, but I never reciprocated those feelings. With Joe and with Pyre, while I adore them both, I never felt the stirrings of desire. It is a little unnerving to feel such things with this man, but I don't plan to put an end to seeing him.
This is all terribly new and exciting for me. I feel like such a child, bumbling around my feelings and my body, but there isn't much to be done about that at this point. I believe I can safely say my desires will quickly run concurrent with his, though I know it will take longer before I am ready to act on such things.
Part of me feels terrible for denying him what he wants. Though I have a feeling he would rather wait than force me to do anything I was not ready for. Yet another thing that sets him far apart from the others, and only furthers my feelings for him.
We've been apart for several weeks now. He had to make his way back to Alabama. I've been distracted, and he is never far from my thoughts. I suppose this is what I missed out on when I was denied the courtship games of my childhood. I can understand now why so many of my companions giggled and waited for those games with bated breath.
He told Fairen one evening, "I am not a man to be kept, but one to be shared." In part, I am afraid to ask for clarification...but on the other hand, I think perhaps he is a man that I could share if I had to. Tis better to have the thing you love part-time, rather than not at all, right? For now, Diary, I wait. I will wait as patiently as I can and see where this new relationship might take us.
Song Bird
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